Lame Spring Break

I am sitting in my bed, on my new laptop. Hurrah! It has finally arrived. Videos to come. That is, if anyone cares enough to watch...

So, I'm on Spring Break, and am planning on doing massive amounts of homework, clean my room, and spend some time with my niece. Not the most "WOO-HOO!" Spring Break ever, but I am enjoying the much needed rest at the moment. I went to clean out my closet today, and found little mouse nests and droppings. I'm just grateful that I didn't find a little mouse carcass. Yeesh. I had to toss one stuffed animal that had been gnawed on, but it wasnt't one with an especially strong attachment, so it's OK. My room is still a little messy, due to my laptop arriving mid-clean, but still much more organized than it was 2 days ago.

Wow, how dull is my life that I blog about organizing my bedroom? I could talk about my silly little nerd crush and how I really, really want to make out with him, but, alas, I am "Mama Beth" to all college kids, and he will most likely not ever want to make out with me. I even gave him girl advice. I kinda suck. Well, we've still got 3 years, so... :D

Nothing much else to tell, really. Just chillin' out with my fish. Guess it's off to bed for me. Toodles!

Pick a Season Already!

It is snowing. Again. After the three days of beautiful, warm spring-like weather. I know the joke in NH is "if you don't like the weather, wait a minute, it'll change" but come on! Is it any wonder people can't seem to be able to get over their colds? we have two or three days of lovely, warm weather, followed by a week of cold, wet, snowy, sometimes below zero, followed by random days of warm. I fucking love New Hampshire in the winter...
As I sit here in the DC, barely hearing a thing due to congestion (my ear isn't hurting much, but I still wanna go to health services, just in case), watching people walk through the snow, I feel... disconnected. Maybe it's because I don't put myself out there as much as I should, maybe it's because I am old and set in my ways. I don't know. Sometimes it really hits me: I'm 30. I live in a dorm and eat all my meals at the DC. The oldest person I regularly hang with is 21. I feel like I am somehow intruding on a world that is not mine. I felt it at Midnight Madness back in the fall, I felt it at the talent show, and every now and then, I feel it when I am around large groups of people. I know that I have every right to participate, and that it's actually cool that I do, it's just... I know this is not, in an anthropological and social sense, my place to be. Yet, I fit in fine. Does this make me special, adaptable, open minded? Or does it make me emotionally stunted and lame? I think the jury's still out on that.

Nerd Sandwiches

The day is winding down. I got into an Owl's Nest suite with four other girls, three of which I just met today. It should be interesting. But, hey, it's a challenge I am willing to rise to! I only hope they all like me. It's important that people like me. Silly, I know, but I don't care for being disliked. No one really does. I understand that it shouldn't matter if people like me or not, but it does. So, yeah, I hope they like me. Hey! I've got the TiVo and tons of plates and stuff - what's not to love?! Also, I am AWESOME. Except... not really. I try, though. I'm just waiting for that fun-filled day when I tell my new suitemates that I'm 30. It's gonna be great!

Dinner tonight was fun. Nerds 1 & 2 were sitting in the same general area. Mmmm... I want a nerd sandwich... OK, this is starting to get a little too porno...

Tomorrow I go to health services in search of antibiotics. Being sick is the pits, and this ear infection is evil. I also would love it if I could stop coughing. I'm such a fucking whiny baby when I'm sick...

Off to prepare for the coming week. I can only pray that I don't lose my shit this week.

Housing Day

Today is housing day! We all get random lottery numbers and have to vie for a bed on campus. I got stuck with a crap-ass number, and while lamenting the fac that it does not look good for me, the lovely Lindsey offered me to go into a suite with her and some of her friends in Butler Court - one of the nicest buildings on campus. Granted it's completely on the wrong side of campus for my lazy ass, but I'll take it! Hopefully, next year I can get back into the hall I'm in now. The good? It's got a kitchen (YAY!) and it's a lot closer to Wal-Mart. =D I will probably bring my bike next year, too. At any rate, all is good housing-wise. If we can't get into Butler, I still have alternatives, so I won't be without housing. Huge weight off my shoulders.

I have so much shit to do today, and with my freaking ear am having a hard time focusing. I was on such a roll last semester, and now... Bye-bye 4.0 GPA. Right now I am just looking ahead to spring break, and after that the History Club trip to NYC!

OK, done with my ramblings, I have to finish my film class midterm... yay... Have a happy day, y'all!

Sickness sucks

I am sick. I have been sick since Tuesday. My head has been getting more and more congested, and now I think I might have an ear infection. I have no insurance, so I have to wait for student health services to open on Monday. Oye fucking Vey.

I had dinner tonight with my friend Shauna, who, we have learned, is good friends with Nerd 1's roommate. She never made the connection. Too funny. I told her friends, who know him and think he's pretty cool, that I've been crazy crushing on him all year. They were amused. I heard talk of asking him if he has a girlfriend. Whatever. I'm totally cool with him knowing I'm attracted to him. I just don't give a fuck anymore, which is huge for me. Besides, he'll be gone in 2 months, anyway, as he is a senior and will be graduating. We actually had a nice long laugh over that one. Things are getting better for me in regards to no longer being so afraid to let people know how I feel about them. When I was a kid, I used to just tell a guy I liked him, and of course none of them ever liked me back. So, instead I skulk around, watching from afar, getting all nervous if they enter the same building as me. No more. I openly watch the guy, not caring if he sees me. If he has a problem with it, he can tell me himself. Until that day comes, I am gonna enjoy the view...

I feel like my ear is going to explode, so I will end this now. Cheers!

First Entry

Sooo, it's been a while since I've done this, aside from my occasional entries on the blog page of MySpace. I don't know how much of this will be worthwhile, but I will try my best to make this interesting, or the very least entertaining.

First off, a little bit about me: My name is Beth. I answer to Bethie, BethieJean, BJ, Short Girl, just about anything. I hate being called by my full name, so don't ask what it is, and anyone who knows it, don't fucking tell, ok? OK. I was born June 23, 1978 in Keene, NH. I lived in a teeny-tiny town called Greenfield, NH with a lovely family until I was available for adoption. When I was two, I was adopted by the most loving, supportive, fun, amazing people who are my family. I have one older sister, and an amazing niece, who is my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. I am not married, and at this point am not only uncertain as to whether it is in the cards for me, but if I really want it. Right now, I am more interested in taking a lover or two. But, I'll get into that later...

I am a college freshman at Keene State College, back in my birthplace, Keene, NH. I live on campus. It's amazing - I love college, the academics (even though they make me wanna fling myself from the top of my dorm every now and then) my only area that needs work is social. Granted, most of the people here I could have babysat in high school (and, as it turns out, one I actually did goes here!) but most of them are pretty cool, and I like having friends, regardless of age. If any of that makes sense. I want them to like me. Lame? Maybe. But it is what it is. I have gone through 2 crushes already, and have added a couple more to the list. One is 19. Nine-freaking-teen. The other is my totally hot Resident Director, who, while certainly more age-appropriate than my other crushes, is not only a no-no because he's kind of an authority figure, but also untouchable because he's hot, and I'm totally not. Yes, I have issues. Some might call it low-self esteem, I call it being realistic. At any rate, the other major crush of the year is basically now fun eye-candy for me, but to keep them straight, I have given them the following nicknames: (and yes, two of them are very nerdy) Nerd 1 (the first major crush), Nerd 2 (the really super young one) and The Hot Guy (yeah, my RD). I know it sounds silly and juvenile, but sometimes I just am. I also am not quite ready to proclaim my unrequited love to them. Although, if anyone from my Res Hall area stumbles on here, they will know of my love for The Hot guy. However, I take heart in the fact that EVERYONE is in love with him. Or, more appropriately, in total LUST with him.

See, here's the thing... aside from Nerd 1, none of the guys I've been attracted to this year are ones I would want to actually date. Nerd 2, I want to make out with, and not much more beyond that. He's a totally cool guy, and we have a lot of fun together, and he is kinda cute, but he's so fucking young. I can't imagine myself doing much more than making out/heavy petting. The Hot Guy I want to jump on and fuck his brains out. Nerd 1... at this point, I just enjoy the view when I see him, and would really like to throw down with him, but nothing much more. The concept of being in a relationship to me right now is sweet, but unrealistic. Where I am in my life... it's too complicated to add the complications of a real relationship. So, I will take sex. Unfortunately, no one wants ot from me save for my fellow lame losers who troll the message boards for a little cyber fun, in lieu of the real thing. My reason is that no one wants the real thing from me. Of this I am certain. I have friends that tell me I am sexy and beautiful, but I honest to goodness don't see it. I am fat, plain, odd-looking and awkward. This is truly how I see myself. At times, I might think I'm kinda cute, but that's about it. OK, enough of this bullshit...

Some fun facts about me: my favourite band is The Monkees. My favourite TV Show is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My favourite movies are The Wizard of Oz, Singin' in the Rain and What's Up, Doc?. I am addicted to caffeine, and make a badass Bacardi and Diet Coke, which is how I survived my first semester at school. I love food (hence my being fat) and I love to dance (even though I am a NH white girl with little rhythm). I am majoring in US History with minors in Film studies and Writing. I hope to be a writer or filmmaker someday. I try not to think too far into the future, and am just trying to make it through my first year at college. I have no idea what the destination is, I'm just trying to enjoy the journey.

I think that's enough for my first entry. When I finally get my new computer, I will probably add some video! Yay! So, um, thanks for reading, I hope you come back.