First Entry

Sooo, it's been a while since I've done this, aside from my occasional entries on the blog page of MySpace. I don't know how much of this will be worthwhile, but I will try my best to make this interesting, or the very least entertaining.

First off, a little bit about me: My name is Beth. I answer to Bethie, BethieJean, BJ, Short Girl, just about anything. I hate being called by my full name, so don't ask what it is, and anyone who knows it, don't fucking tell, ok? OK. I was born June 23, 1978 in Keene, NH. I lived in a teeny-tiny town called Greenfield, NH with a lovely family until I was available for adoption. When I was two, I was adopted by the most loving, supportive, fun, amazing people who are my family. I have one older sister, and an amazing niece, who is my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. I am not married, and at this point am not only uncertain as to whether it is in the cards for me, but if I really want it. Right now, I am more interested in taking a lover or two. But, I'll get into that later...

I am a college freshman at Keene State College, back in my birthplace, Keene, NH. I live on campus. It's amazing - I love college, the academics (even though they make me wanna fling myself from the top of my dorm every now and then) my only area that needs work is social. Granted, most of the people here I could have babysat in high school (and, as it turns out, one I actually did goes here!) but most of them are pretty cool, and I like having friends, regardless of age. If any of that makes sense. I want them to like me. Lame? Maybe. But it is what it is. I have gone through 2 crushes already, and have added a couple more to the list. One is 19. Nine-freaking-teen. The other is my totally hot Resident Director, who, while certainly more age-appropriate than my other crushes, is not only a no-no because he's kind of an authority figure, but also untouchable because he's hot, and I'm totally not. Yes, I have issues. Some might call it low-self esteem, I call it being realistic. At any rate, the other major crush of the year is basically now fun eye-candy for me, but to keep them straight, I have given them the following nicknames: (and yes, two of them are very nerdy) Nerd 1 (the first major crush), Nerd 2 (the really super young one) and The Hot Guy (yeah, my RD). I know it sounds silly and juvenile, but sometimes I just am. I also am not quite ready to proclaim my unrequited love to them. Although, if anyone from my Res Hall area stumbles on here, they will know of my love for The Hot guy. However, I take heart in the fact that EVERYONE is in love with him. Or, more appropriately, in total LUST with him.

See, here's the thing... aside from Nerd 1, none of the guys I've been attracted to this year are ones I would want to actually date. Nerd 2, I want to make out with, and not much more beyond that. He's a totally cool guy, and we have a lot of fun together, and he is kinda cute, but he's so fucking young. I can't imagine myself doing much more than making out/heavy petting. The Hot Guy I want to jump on and fuck his brains out. Nerd 1... at this point, I just enjoy the view when I see him, and would really like to throw down with him, but nothing much more. The concept of being in a relationship to me right now is sweet, but unrealistic. Where I am in my life... it's too complicated to add the complications of a real relationship. So, I will take sex. Unfortunately, no one wants ot from me save for my fellow lame losers who troll the message boards for a little cyber fun, in lieu of the real thing. My reason is that no one wants the real thing from me. Of this I am certain. I have friends that tell me I am sexy and beautiful, but I honest to goodness don't see it. I am fat, plain, odd-looking and awkward. This is truly how I see myself. At times, I might think I'm kinda cute, but that's about it. OK, enough of this bullshit...

Some fun facts about me: my favourite band is The Monkees. My favourite TV Show is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My favourite movies are The Wizard of Oz, Singin' in the Rain and What's Up, Doc?. I am addicted to caffeine, and make a badass Bacardi and Diet Coke, which is how I survived my first semester at school. I love food (hence my being fat) and I love to dance (even though I am a NH white girl with little rhythm). I am majoring in US History with minors in Film studies and Writing. I hope to be a writer or filmmaker someday. I try not to think too far into the future, and am just trying to make it through my first year at college. I have no idea what the destination is, I'm just trying to enjoy the journey.

I think that's enough for my first entry. When I finally get my new computer, I will probably add some video! Yay! So, um, thanks for reading, I hope you come back.