Saturday, May 2, 2009

Reflections on my Freshman Year at KSC.

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As I sit here at my desk, lamenting that this is the last week I have in my little room overlooking Appian Way into the library (prime creeper spot), I am reminiscing about my first year at Keene State College. It is not really appropriate to call it my first year of college, as I have had a year of college before. Perhaps best to refer to it as my first successful year at college. I am thinking about how far I have come, how hard I have worked, and how fulfilling an experience this has been. So, I thought I would share the highlights…

I began the year excited and terrified. Move-in day was filled with joy, excitement, nerves and me being stressed out as usual. My family and best friend helped me get my stuff in my room, walked around the campus a bit, bought my books, and said goodbye. Sigh. Now what? Well, like the good little student I am, I begin to read my text books after I finish unpacking. Oh, and of course, walk to Wal-Mart (first of MANY times) to get extra cables, etc. that I need to make my TV work. All set up? Great, let’s hunker down and read some textbooks. I go to my first floor meeting, which is a bit of a bust. Love my RA, but she is the most introverted RA I have ever seen in my life. Go to comedy show, see the first of many crushes I would get this year. A photographer. My crush on him will cool within the next week…

The next day, textbook reading, walking around, and New Student Convocation. We walked through the arches at Appian Way, and I will confess, there were tears in my eyes. Going back to college is a huge deal for me, ok?

Classes start, and I am terrified. I feel like I’ll be ok, though.

I attend my first History Club meeting, unsure of what to expect and fucking terrified. I try to hide it and be a little outgoing. It was at that meeting I met Michelle, soon to become a good friend and drinking buddy; Shauna, soon to be one of the best friends I have ever known; Heather, without whom I would completely lose my sanity; Sinead, one of the most amazing people I have ever met; Gregg, one of the coolest people I know (but I am still cooler than you!); and yeah. Him. The guy. The one I will obsess over for the majority of the year. Truthfully, it wasn’t until a few days later when I saw him in the DC in a Gettysburg T-Shirt that I realized he was the one – the major, ridiculous, intense unrequited love affair of the year. He was to be my freshman year crush. OK, y’all, his name is Alex. You know the one I mean.

I continue to acclimate myself to college life, meeting a few more people along the way (Carrie, Brittany, Marie, Lindsay, etc…), attend my first (and only) college party, the highlight of which was watching the bartender get a blowjob from his girlfriend and keeping a total straight face the whole time. Don’t wanna ever play poker with that dude…

Pumpkin Fest! I get really, really drunk and lament the fact that I didn’t have the guts to actually do something about my crush.

Halloween! Stalking with Shauna! Dressing Slutty! Chasing the wrong fucking guy halfway down Main Street! Good times, man…

I have a major freak out about an Astronomy test about mid-semester. I thought I failed. I got a C. I have become an overachieving nerd.

Val comes to visit! YAY!

I finish out the semester exhausted but elated. And anxiously checking my grades every day until they are finally posted and discover all my blood, sweat, tears and thoughts of suicide were completely worth it – STRAIGHT A’s! I went from being on academic probation 12 years before to being a straight-A student. :D

When I return, things are off and weird and I never do find my academic groove. But, I meet the amazing Kayla and the awesome Chris. Life is good.

Went to NYC with History Club, easily the highlight of the year for me. Nothin’ beats traveling on the school’s dime!

The rest of the semester zips by, and suddenly I realize what it is I want to do with my life. I want to be a writer. I want to be a film historian and write plays. I have finally found my goal in life, and it feels incredible. For the first time, I see something I created performed for an audience, and I cannot describe how amazing it feels.

It is almost the end. Just a few more days to go, and I will no longer be a perpetual freshman. I will be a college sophomore, something I have never been. I am happy to see the year end, but am sad as well, as I will miss the friends I have made this year, and am afraid I will lose them by not seeing them over the summer. I am already thinking ahead to next fall, and it will rock. I am unbelievably proud of myself, and grateful to have met the wonderful people I have met this year. I don’t know why they keep me around, other than I am occasionally amusing. I love y’all, and can’t wait to continue this journey with you.

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